Rich people are so dumb*. They buy the dumbest things. I imagine they buy stuff they think is going to make their life more awesome. I get it. Fast cars are cool. I love them myself. Accelerating really has to be one of lifes greatest pleasures…especially when ripping around a corner to impress some really hot chick. God those stick shifts are conveniently located.
And you know what. There is nothing short of a fuck ton of rich people in America. And when I say a lot I mean a lot. You do realize this is the first year ever that the top 400 richest people (according to that shiny magazine Forbes) all have more than a billion dollars. A billion. What are they spending that stuff on? I can’t figure it out. You want to know who one of the guys on the list is? Yes, yes you do. Little Caesar’s founder Michael Ilitch. Yeah. The founder of Little Ceasers. Quick: Think of the two closes Little Ceasers you know right now. Not as easy as you might think? Yeah that’s because there are like 18 of them left. But he has 1.5 billion dollars. God I fucking love America.
Listen I’m pretty fucking rich. But I’m not Forbes rich. Yet. But if I was? I’ll tell you the first thing I’d buy. Au Revoir Simone. Don’t worry – I’d let them tour and stuff. But I’d pay them about 30 million a year to sing me to sleep most nights. Come to think of it – I think I’d have them wake me up with singing too. See now that would be something that would be bad ass to buy. I don’t think anyone’s rich enough yet to buy Jay-Z** but I totally would if I could. He’d sit shotgun and freestyle while we dropped through the city causing trouble on the dirty. I’d build them both the sickest studio money could buy. Anything to get them to do more recording. And listen – if someone from Au Revoir Simone wanted to get married I’m not going to say I wouldn’t consider it.***
If there was a soundtrack to my dreams – this would be it. The vocals that will hit your ears might as well be rays of sunlight. They will make your insides will glow. Listen to it. And go buy their album that dropped earlier this year.
There playing a show at the Highline Ballroom in NYC on Jan 7. Get tickets here.
Au Revoire Simone – “Another Likely Story”
Au Revoire Simone – “Another Likely Story (Neon Indian)”
Au Revoire Simone – “Shadows”
* I’m obviously not talking about myself. Me be not that dumb. It doesn’t matter how many commas I have.
** Zing
*** I would say yes to who ever asks first. No questions asked.
Photo credit: Sarah Wilmer
