People stop me on the street a lot to ask me how I stay so cutting edge. I always tell them they won’t believe me but they always offer to hear me out anyways. “My time machine. I just go to the future, see what’s good, then I come back and write about it before it blows up. It’s rather quite simple really.” Most of the time it feels like I’m cheating. But I stopped letting the concept of cheating bother me the minute I learned the rules to that game Uno. Or the second after I cheated on Susan Templeton in the second grade. Take your pick.
Sometimes I use my time machine to get chicks. And when we do the nasty sometimes your mom adjusts the dials in her moans of pleasure and I completely forget to put the dials back. So instead of heading to the future, I jump back to the past and find something people seemed to have missed the boat on. This past weekend was one of those times. I hopped over to the year 2006, AKA the year after Katrina (too soon?) and picked up the Mating Game from Bitter:Sweet. Fuck. They turned me on so much I’ve got to go rig the fire hydrant outside to cool me off for the next hour. If the lead singer ever tried to con her way into my pants, let’s just say she wouldn’t have to try very hard.
I think they’re from L.A. or something.
Bitter:Sweet – “Dirty Laundry”
Bitter:Sweet – “Heaven”
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